Girls Just Wanna Be Gay!
by SpongeGuy
Summary: Anne, Sasha and Marcy wanna kiss this Christmas! A Christmas gift to my sister/brother/brosis!


Snow.

It had been 1 whole year (sort of, she was still trying to understand just how much time had passed) since she had gone to Amphibia .

Since she had made her first real friend.

Since she found a family.

And…

Anne Boonchuy, decked out in a frog themed Christmas sweater, tapping her foot nervously, was unsure if the first person she should come out to was her beloved and endearingly over protective Hop Poppy.

But considering her… Let's say it nicely, shit parents, it seemed like he was really the only choice.

Sighing, she glanced out the window again.

Snow had once been a danger, due to its once a year appearance in Amphibia. Snow forced the frogs into hibernation and near death (thank GOODNESS for interior heating!).

Anne had protected them from it once. And while it was touch and go (the small business of Polly nearly dying), she had succeeded!

In fact, Anne Boonchuy was very different from the girl she was when she first stumbled onto the magical other dimension.

What once was selfish was now thoughtful.

What once was subservient was now independent.

What once was impulsive was… Well, actually, that sort of stayed.

And what was once straight as a rail in her mind was so gay it made Elsa look straight!

So why was it so hard to tell him about this?

"…Anne, you've been sitting there for about 5 minutes narrating. Just tell me the problem so I can return to making angsty AMV's of "Suspicion Island"!"

Anne couldn't help but chuckle at that statement, and at the frog who sat before her.

His thin grey tufts of hair were now covered with a Santa hat (whom he was still wary of. "Breaking and entering is nothing to be proud of, unless of course you're doing it to Monroe"), his cane was colored like a candy cane (Anne could have sworn she heard a drum snare from Marcy's room) and his sweater was appropriately ugly, asking people to "honk if you've adopted a bby recently".

For a once so rigid and traditional frog, Hop Pop Plantar had truly given his best efforts to the transition to the human world.

In fact, as Anne shuffled her feet and sighed, he had done more than anyone would have expected.

After a disastrous dinner revealed that Anne's parents were… Shit, Hop Pop had gone on a 8 hour long rant, dissing them so inappropriately that Polly hadn't needed Anne to learn all the swear words in existence.

If it wasn't for Sprig ripping the chained pen off because it looked "Yummy", Anne would have been adopted way faster.

It was flashbacks like these that made Anne wonder how could she possibly think he wouldn't accept her.

After all they've been through, Hop Pop truly loved her.

Which meant…

Anne took a deep breath and stood up, deciding to face it head on.

"I've got a bit of a… Hard confession to make."

Anne then smiled softly as Hop Pop seemed to take on a knowing look.

"But I know that you'll accept me for who I am, and I shouldn't be afraid."

"Oh, you should! Grime has been walking around the house decking anyone who plays "Frosty The Snowman". Says that little bastard "should have melted the moment he knew about thermomaters, even though he really shouldn't know"."

Anne giggled and Hop Pop smiled warmly. "But seriously, Anne… You can tell me anything."

Anne beamed at this and Hop Pop remembered why he was still alive as she began to explain.

"Well… You see, Hop Pop, ol' buddy ol' pal… Have you ever felt like you want to kiss someone, but society thinks it's wrong?"

"Why, all the time! I keep telling them that Cacti are softer than they seem but no one listens!", Hop Pop said, removing a cactus and kissing it.

"Oh wait, never mind. My tongue wants to die now."

Anne shook her head, laughing. "No, dummy! I mean… Say there's 2 someone's you like…"

Anne's mouth suddenly got very dry. She wasn't sure she could do this.

Even if Hop Pop was open… Who was to say that Sasha "GOD THAT SCAR MAKES HER HOTTER" Prince and Marcy "HOW CAN SOMEONE SO SARCASTIC BE SO MOE" Drosselmeyer would be interested in something so… Bizarre?

Anne was starting to panic again. She wasn't some badass warrior or hilarious kawaii girl (well, she was, but she doesn't listen to me).

She was just Anne "I can make a decent omlette" Boonchouy.

Sure, she helped destroy an ancient monster and she helped make peace between frogs and toads, but anyone could have done that!

Why would Sasha and Marcy want… Her?

Nerves at their limits, Anne decided to go for a distraction.

"HEY HOP POP!", she suddenly called out, mad look in her eyes. "WANNA FIND OUT HOW MANY JELLYFISH I CAN JUGGLE?"

As she began to juggle and yelp from the pain, Hop Pop tried to stop her with logic. "ANNE! Only Polly can do that!"

Meanwhile…

"I don't understand this stupid human holiday! First we watch some ridiculous children's cartoons, then we take a tree and force it to get dressed, and now you're telling me that you need to make some sort of "like, earth shattering" confession? I thought this "Christmas" was fun!"

Formerly Captain now Dad Grime was very confused by the day he had been through. He'd had to endure many odd customs, and outside of drinking dangerous amounts of Egg Nog (what was IN that stuff?!), he had not seen any reason to be jolly or merry.

Why, he hadn't had a chance to be senselessly violent in hours!

And now his beloved daughter Sasha had some sort of confession to make.

"Great. Now I get to know where all my strawberry lip gloss has been going.", he grumbled as Sasha stood next to a screen.

Clearing her throat, the former soldier seemed less confident than usual.

Giant anime sweat bead, feet shuffling cards, shaking more than the jell-o he DEFINITELY didn't steal for himself…

She was hiding something.

He could feel it.

That, and she had said "I've been hiding something" just 38 seconds ago, so…

SCORE!

"Get on with it, Sasha!", Grime ordered, impatient. "I've got other things to do, like go back and complain about having to do all these things!"

Sasha laughed nervously and picked up a remote. "Well, Grimesy, in order to properly explain my confession, I have arranged a powerpoint presentation…"

Even on Amphibia, people knew that powerpoint was sad.

Grime moaned and leaned into his hand, depressed. This was going to be worse than the time he almost died.

"Just finish with it, before the alcohol receads and I get enough sense to leave the room."

Sasha gulped again, very nervous of her frog father's reaction. While he too adopted her from terrible parents, he was less affectionate, more of a fun dad who took you to bear baiting matches and taught you how to survive torture.

You know, fun things all children should know!

The emotional stuff? He was less qualified.

Why, once she told him she was feeling sad and he said to just beat it senseless until it stopped working.

And when she had homework she couldn't figure out, he actually spared with the words.

And when she was having a period…

Well, the less said about the "boxing match with god" the better.

So, this was going to be a piece of fucking cake, right?

Sasha continued to hyperventilate as Grime read the title, which was accompanied with an audio book version read by Samuel L. Jackson.

"Shit, I CAN Haz Girlfriends?: The Day I Never Stopped Worrying And Learned That Women Are Hotter Than Men!"

Sasha face palmed. "I REALLY need to get a better editor."

"Come on, Darling! That title is marvelous and so much better than "AAAAAAAAAAAAA HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT ME AM GAY?!", Sprig, with spectacles, turned around and commented.

Meanwhile…

"So I'm gay for Sasha and Anne and I want to date both of them. Is that weird?", Marcy asked, while playing a snare drum for Anne's unintentional candy cane pun.

"Oh, it's totally normal! Give them a whirl, girl!", Valerina said, not phased for a moment.

"Great! Can we T-Pose now and headbang to "Megalovania"?", Marcy asked, setting up her boom box.

"That's why I adopted you!"

Marcy and Valerina then started to aggressively T-Pose and headbang.

"I hope this conversation is easy for Anne and Sasha, who clearly have the hots for me!", Marcy said as she danced.

"Anne, I can't believe that of all things, you were hurt by tripping on a box of wiener dogs!"

Hop Pop was applying another Hello Kitty band aid as Anne sighed morosely.

"I'm sorry, Hop Pop! I just… I… I'm very nervous!"

Hop Pop sighed affectionately and patted his girl's back. "Anne, my darling… I'd NEVER judge you. And even if I did, I would be in the wrong for that."

Hop Pop smiled as he made a promise with his eyes. "Whatever you have to say is who you are. If your friends or your family can't accept that, then, well, they're pretty darn lousy at their jobs, I reckon!"

Anne shed a tear while smiling, her real father as ever making her feel valid. Real.

Once she was so afraid of expressing her true self.

Now, she felt like she could sing it out loud.

Not that she would; Musical theatre was a pale imitation of vaudeville, according to Hop Pop.

Taking a deep breath, Anne confessed her secret.

"Hop Pop… I tried to understand this for a while, and for a while I wasn't sure if it was true, but…"

"I know that you have the crushy crush on Sasha at least, that's for sure.", Hop Pop commented, scratching his chin.

Anne's eyes were now very buggy. "HOW IN TARNATION DO YOU KNOW THAT?"

Hop Pop was too busy thinking something else. "I've never said tarnation, where'd you pick that up?"

"Doesn't matter! How do you know that I like Sasha?", Anne asked in disbelief. What had given her away?

"Anne, you'd need to be blind not to know! Also, you once forced me to marry you and your Sasha cardboard cutout in a lavish ceremony."

Anne blushed wildly. "I do crazy things when I drink too much cocoa…"

Hop Pop chuckled warmly and observed Anne with sparkling eyes. "Well? I assume there's a part 2…"

Anne laughed as well and admitted that "Marcy's pretty fine too!"

Anne then got shy again. "I know that it's customary to only like one person, but I really li…Lo…"

Anne swallowed her spit and resolved herself.

"I REALLY love both of them."

Anne sighed again. "I know it's weird, but it's who I am."

She looked up, scared again. "Do you… Do you see me any different?"

There are moments in life where one has to prove to one's kids just how much he/she loves them.

In that moment, Hop Pop aced so hard no one would ever get close.

"Do you know what I see, Anne?", he asked, and as she shook her head, he sat next to her.

"What I see is a beautiful, smart, strong, brave, independent young woman with a kind heart and a lovely soul."

He continued. "I see an amazing friend and an incredible daughter."

He nearly choked up for a moment. "I see someone who has grown so much, but hasn't lost that innate goodness that was there from day 1."

He then embraced her. "You know what I see?"

He whispered. "I see someone I am PROUD to call my daughter."

He retracted from the hug to wipe away her tears. "And if these two girls make you happy, then, well, I see no problem in you getting together with them."

Anne, who was feeling all the feels, gripped her Hop Poppy and said "Oh THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!"

"Of course, Anne. Of course."

Anne hiccupped for a moment and softly smiled. "I… I… Thank you for letting me be me."

She kissed his forehead and as she ran off, she called out "Love you, Dad!"

Hop Pop shook his head softly as she left. "Kids…"

Meanwhile meanwhile (revenge of the meanwhile)…

"And that's is why I want to kiss two girls under the mistletoe today, so you better understand, motherfucker, before I stick my hand up your ass and make it talk like a puppet to give me validity!"

As the powerpoint finally skidded to a halt, Sasha wished that she could erase all the bar graphs and pie charts on how "lit" lesbian OT3's were.

In fact, Sasha had cringed really hard for the entire presentation, and as she finally opened her eyes and laid them on a very quiet Grime, who had uncharacteristically said nothing the entire time.

Sasha was getting REALLY nervous now. What was going to happen?

Would Grime get angry? Would he fire her from being his daughter?

Would…

Would he hate her?

Sasha already knew that Grime wasn't exactly the softest and most understanding person in the world.

So what would he be like with this?

Tentatively, her fingers shaking, Sasha asked a cautious question.

"Well… What do you think, Grimesy?"

Grime scratched his chin in thought, before turning to Sasha with an odd expression.

"Let me see if I understand: You love that Anne girl, and that Marcy girl?"

Sasha nodded, depressed.

Grime chose his words carefully. "All right… If I may ask…"

He tilted his head. "Why are you asking me if it's ok?"

Sasha blinked, surprised. "I… Uh… Huh?"

Grime cleared his throat, hoping to make himself clear to Sasha. "I may not understand human customs, but I don't think that loving someone is wrong, at least, under certain conditions."

He attempted a soft smile as he grabbed hold of her hand. "The way I see it, if it's not illegal, it's ok. And, well… I may seem like a real grouch, but when it comes to you, all I need is a smile, soldier, and I'm in approval."

Sasha never liked showing such strong emotions, least of all next to Grime, but she couldn't help but squeeze him once he finished.

"Ok, ok…", he said, but his enjoyment of the hug was obvious.

Patting her back, he saluted her. "Report me of your success once the conquest is over!"

She saluted back, grinning. "Aye-Aye, Dad!"

None noticed that that was the first time Sasha had called him dad, but Grime would later feel his heart grow 3 sizes once he realized what she had said.

Later that evening, Anne, Sasha and Marcy found themselves underneath the mistletoe, all a little confused and VERY flustered.

"So… We all had the same idea and crushes?", Sasha asked, very embarrassed. Pink was not a color frequently seen on her cheeks, but today it was dominant.

"I guess so.", Anne said, feeling very shy. Was all her worrying really for nothing?

"Cool cool cool cool. When do I get to be gay?", Marcy asked, wearing a rainbow hoodie over a shirt that said "Go to the YMCA? I AM THE YMCA!" and shoes that played "Girls Like Girls" by Hayley Kiyoko.

Anne, Sasha and Marcy all looked at each other, and realized that sometimes, all the worrying really IS for nothing.

Here they all were, very much in love with each other and willing to take the next step.

So…

Why not just do it?

For Anne Boonchuy, Christmas had once been most magical when she opened her presents under the tree.

But this year, it was when she kissed her two girlfriends at the same time.

Finishing the story, SpongeGuy looked at his words and hoped they were enough.

As ever, the lesson he tried to impart had a harder time reaching him.

The words stood on the screen, daunting.

Teasing.

Were they enough for such an angel?

Were they enough for such a blessing?

Stepping into the room, SpongeGuy could see his brother Kamino sleep peacefully in a bed. An adorable beanie sat on the cute short hair cut and his eyes, despite being closed, sparkled with wonder, that made him want to be so excited.

Hands shook as he clutched the manuscript and wondered again: Was it good enough?

He had given him so much in so little time.

Had he deserved any of it?

Could he ever justify his existence?

Floating in from another room was a frequent visitor.

Cold hands sent a shiver down SpongeGuy's spine and he didn't need to turn to know it was the reaper.

"You seem awfully ready to go. I haven't sensed such resignation in a while from you."

SpongeGuy tried to say something but the words stuck in his throat.

"…You haven't even come close to succeeding in your mission. Are you ready to call it quits? It's not like you ever deserved to succeed."

But SpongeGuy shakes his head. "Maybe I don't deserve it…"

He put down the manuscript next to Kamino's head.

"But they do. Every single one of them needs a hero."

SpongeGuy turns defiantly. "If it means fighting for years without a smile, then I will do so."

"…What makes you so sure that you'll ever be happy?"

SpongeGuy turns and sees a miracle in front of him.

"…Just a hunch."


End file.
